"Oh No! They are Coming Home?"

Dear Parents,

Remember the lost feeling, the tears that were shed, the realization that you too were joining the ranks of the empty nesters????? Well, now it seems short-lived, doesn’t it? One or more of your college students are returning home for a long break, summer vacation…..or an extended period AFTER graduation! But you have your own life now!! What do you do?

The current generation is fondly referred to as the Boomerang generation; those who move back after living independently for a while or those who have never left. The numbers increased with the 2007-9 recession and spiked with Covid, increasing to 52%. Two years after Covid, almost two-thirds of those who moved back were still in their parents’ house. There are many reasons for this including that the stigma of living with parents has faded, as well as financial reasons.https://www.bls.gov/opub/mlr/2014/article/independence-for-young-millennials-moving-out-and-boomeranging-back.htm

Other factors leading to this phenomenon may include “helicopter parenting” which refers to parents excessively monitoring all their children’s activities, which also increased while zoom learning during covid. Children have a lessened sense of independence and develop difficulty dealing with challenges of life. Soc 7 Benokraitis, N.V., 2025.

Whatever the reasons, this can be a challenging, unexpected time for all involved and it is important to negotiate it carefully. The reality is that there will be some bumps and bruises, the good news is that utilizing a few practical tips, you will all live through it and hopefully come out even stronger on the other side!

Communication The key to all good relationships is communication, and this is no exception! This new adult has been living on their own, making their own decisions, yet…now that they are home, they may want to revert to the child role, rather than adulting! And you may never know each day if you are facing the child or adult when the alarm goes off. It is important to establish boundaries and clarify expectations. A curfew may not be appropriate, but courtesy and respect when coming and going, including letting you know if they are out overnight, can be a request. What are the expectations for household chores? You want them to want to come home…but this is not a boarding house; shared tasks are expected.

Ask for what you need and listen to what they need.

Take A Step Back ….or two or three! Believe it or not, these people that you gave birth to or raised are adults now. They may want your opinion, or guidance, or input……but only when asked. Stop being intrusive or manipulative. Don’t probe or pester, less questions will result in more sharing (take it from me, the queen of questioning, after all I am a counselor!). Their childhood home should be a judgement-free place, where they can express their fears and concerns. Offers suggestions and support, not demands and orders.

They will find their own path.

Sensitivity is a Must There will be an adjustment period; for everyone! Your child is not the same person who left not so long ago. There will be strong overwhelming emotions, on everyone’s part. Increased stress, anxiety, and depression are well-documented in college age students; support and trust are needed.

If you see something that doesn’t seem right, say something.

You Do Have a Life Don’t rearrange the entire life that you have built to accommodate all their whims, or to wait for them to want time with you. You may feel your time with them is short, but they will respect and admire that you can live without them. Be a role model of balance, wellbeing, and good choices.

They will leave again and you will still need your life.

Did I Say Communicate? Enough said.

Enjoy! Getting to know your child as an adult is one of the greatest blessings. They will still have old habits that annoy you, as well as new opinions that you may not agree with, or even do not like. Focus on what you love about them and enjoy the good times. Grab the small moments or special memories together.

Speaking as a parent who has survived and thrived through this period, the adult years can be the best of all with patience, good common sense, and sometimes biting your tongue. It will all work out for the best in the coming years!!!!

~Dr. Denise L. Cavanaugh